There are lots of reasons why someone who has been abused would return to or seem to forgive an abusive partner (even though that not exactly what Rihanna had done).

Here are some reasons why a victim or survivor of abuse might return to an abusive relationship.

- they are scared of future consequences if they don’t return

- they have been told constantly by abuser that it was only a one-time mistake

- family, friends, (and fans) constantly tell them that abuser is a good person and wouldn’t have committed such acts OR they have learned from mistakes

- they are guilted into retuning to the relationship

- abuser creates a great deal of dependence on them and convinces them to come back to “be there for them”

- abuser had isolated them so much that they have no other support systems

- they are genuinely in love

- they are convinced that if they return, they can change abuser

“The best judge of whether or not a country is going to develop is how it treats its women” — Barack Obama

The latest ad highlights a women not able to walk with multiple bruises and injuries after her male partner obviously went Vegan. Its difficult not to see the direct links to domestic violence and rape culture here.

Video is attached to the link… [Trigger Warning]  http://www.bwvaktboom.com/

As a Vegetarian and former supporter of PETA, I’m extremely disturbed by this. I’ve written up a petition (demanding the termination of the entire campaign) posted up on Change.org. Please consider signing and spreading this widely!

http://www.change.org/petitions/tell-peta-violence-against-women-is-never-okay

Thanks!

-Sacchi P.

Co-Founder MasculinityU

February 14, 2011

Today marks an important holiday for Americans as we spend close to $18,000,000,000 to make up for not showing others we love them the other 364 days out of the year. A simple Google search for “Valentine’s Day Gifts” promises to yield more red heart-shaped merchandise than even Cupid intended for. All this isn’t my issue as I no longer contribute to this substantial one-day consumer financial deficit due to low wages and no partner; aka I’m a broke and single grad student. What troubles me much more than spending my textbook money on a sterling silver necklace is the fact that one of our nation’s largest holidays (and one that most Americans seem to observe indiscriminately of religious affiliation) is only intended for part of our population. You see, Valentine’s Day only actually exists in a heterosexist and patriarchal framework also known as “everyday American life”. Valentine’s Day is one of the most Heteronormative displays of our country’s message: members of the LGBTIQ community are not welcome here. This of course is hidden behind chocolate, roses, hearts, and more chocolate.

Capitalism encourages websites and stores to neatly categorizes their items “Gifts for Him” and “Gifts for Her”. This makes life easier for many of us, however it does not make it easier for all of us. In fact, it can actually lead to people feeling out-casted and worthless. Today, I saw a “His & Her” matching pajama set for sale online. Though accommodating for heterosexual couples, imagine how some people of the LGBTIQ community would feel if they saw this at every store or every website that they visited to find something for their partner. Some relationships may have no one who identifies as either a man or a woman. What options would they have? Should this just be their problem since they are gay? Should they have to feel the constant disapproval of their relationship from all of our society with every offer of a blue and pink pajama set? In short, the answer is no.

The fact of the matter is that heterosexuality is a privileged identity, which by virtue of its definition encourages us never to think about anyone who isn’t heterosexual. Heteronormativity encourages us to live life with its advantages and never stop to think how those advantages come to us so easily nor does it allow us to think about who is systemically suffering when we accept those privileges.

Further, Valentine’s Day allows our society to harbor dangerous beliefs that contribute to a system of hegemonic masculinity. The holiday not only teaches us that boys must like girls and vice versa, but it teaches our youth that boys must be the providers for needy girls who must remain submissive. With this thought it is no wonder that these simple ideas can manifest themselves into adulthood that at times can be filled with violence. Additionally, we must challenge all the ways that Valentine’s Day forces us to conform to a binary system as it pertains to gender. We are declaring that only men/boys and women/girls exist or should exist, when in actuality we know that we are leaving many people out

Though it may seem that I am a bitter person who hates love, I assure you that my intent is to spread love. A love to be spread every single day of the year, to every one of us (without leaving anyone out).

From http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/horrible-reactions-to-chris-brown-at-the-grammys:

Buzzfeed posted 25 of these, but I’m sure there are many more out there on Twitter and many more people out there in general who are having that same reaction. Just because someone is talented does not give them the right to behave the way he behaved. When we know better, we do better and we need to make sure that young people know better than he did.

Let’s just get right into it.  By now, unless you’ve been living under a rock (or just oblivious to gender socialization), you may have noticed that sexism, violence, and beer plague the T.V. screen for all but the actual 60 minutes of football action Sunday night.

So what did we see that was not-so-healthy?

Well there is always the highly-anticipated and disturbingly increasing: people getting messed up by way of physical violence. (See dude getting mauled by cheetah)

Or you can refer to a woman violently head butting Uncle Jesse over some Yogurt (See Yogurt Ad).

Oh how about some good-clean use of several women to make up a dude’s sofa? And yes, they thought it would make it “less-slavery-ish” by showing dudes in the same position for women to sit on.  Of course we know that those are the only two possibilities because only heterosexual human slavery is the only acceptable and constitutional way.  – This is one of the most bizarre displays at the “typical American fantasy” I have seen in a while…selling a Japanese Car.  (See Toyota “Reinvented” )

There are always lots of talking points when we highlight a commercial on “what guys dream about” (See Kia Optima Commercial).  This one of course was for desperate-to-be-called-luxury-car Kia Optima.  They show a man’s dream consisting of several seconds (in dream-time–does that translate into hours in real time?) of panning up and down a white women’s body while she is obviously lusting for a “real man” to come take her away.  Oh, and there is a Kia Optima in there too.

And last-but-not-le- actually, it is, least. Let’s talk about the most blatant objectification of women to sell…. Domain Names!? (See Go Daddy Ad). Well, I guess this one shouldn’t be surprising since this has been the advertising goal for GoDaddy.Com for years now.  I wonder if they sit around a room and say

“What are new and exciting ways that we can defile, degrade, and objectify women, for this year’s Super Bowl Ad? Oh and Danica, If you come up with the idea, there’s a special bonus in it for you – You get to be hyper-sexualized and disregarded in it too!”

This one especially pisses me off – I just don’t get it.  Okay, if we look back at beer ads at least we know that companies are targeting men (hetero, of course) and they have made a multi-billion dollar argument (and a weak attempt to vindicate it) that selling their product next to naked women makes sense.  As screwed up at this caveman logic is –.  There are clear relationships between men, beer, women, and hyper masculinity. Through these commercials, we’ve essentially taught our society that it is manly to drink beer and sleep with as many women as possible. – Though certainly not a healthy attitude, we know that this is one of the messages our society has learned.

But what the heck do Domain Names have to do with Masculinity???  I really am lost on this one. I can’t picture dudes at a bar smashing down beers comparing the number of women they slept with that week and one guy saying, “I bought www.BeerIsAwesome.eu> last night” or “Dude, you hear that www.PokemonIsStillIn.net is going up to auction tomorrow?. “

None-the-less, we’ve obviously sent messages as a culture that the best way to sell anything is by painting it onto women’s naked bodies.  Dammit Go-Daddy.

So, what have we learned from this year’s Super Bowl Ads Brain?  The same thing we learn every year Pinky – Rigid Gender Roles 101: Men drive fast cars, drink beers, dream of and have lots of dirty sex, and buy domain names? while women are useful for sex, male sexual fantasies, and getting men beer – wait that job has now been outsourced to dogs…

Activists unite! We have lots more work to do!

No words.

Check this out, we’ll be sure to cover this in Friday Morning’s Post

Every year I teach dozens of students at the University of Birmingham. Most of the students on the gender and sexuality courses are women. I guess this is because the boys don’t think that gender applies to them: that it’s a subject for girls.

Louise Brown

We need to raise the level of debate  and ensure that boys take part in this conversation. These aren’t women’s issues or men’s issues, they are human issues.

What to look for (shouldn’t be too hard):

1. Hyper masculinity
2. Dudes being fools
3. Dudes driving cars
4. Violence by men
5. Violence against women
6. Women being subservient
7. Dudes drinking beer
8. Homophobia
9. Dudes driving more cars.